A Blip in the Universe, A Tweet in Time

 Photo by Rikki Osborne, used with permission.

I don’t Twitter. In fact, I so don’t Twitter that I just used Twitter as a verb instead of the more proper, “tweet.” I tried it twice, and I do have it set up so that my blog posts are automatically sent out via Twitter. I don’t, however, announce to my followers that I’m blow drying (blowing dry?) my hair or that I saw an ant carry off a crumb from my scone at Starbucks. I do not eat scones, either.

I do read the news, and I just learned that  www.blippy.com is the new Twitter. There, you can plug in your credit card information and each time you use it make a purchase, Blippy will tell all your furthest friends and closest strangers what you bought, where, and how much you paid.  

I already don’t care when even my most favorite people are drunk, tired, wearing a red bra, or frustrated with an Excel spreadsheet at work. Call me when you fall in love, you fall down the stairs, or you’re falling to pieces. Let’s keep it interesting. Not only do I not want to know what everyone else is buying, I don’t want you to know what I just bought. I recently purchased Falco’s “Rock Me Amadeus” on iTunes. I will offer this information willingly now, but if I were about to have it automatically broadcast to the Internet, I’d probably rethink my choice and buy something cooler, like an indie album by a band that doesn’t even exist yet. The act of observation changes the behavior of that which is being observed.

On the other hand, my friend, Rikki, is as much art as she is artist. If she updates her Facebook status, she doesn’t just tell you she’s eating French onion soup. She will tell you it tastes like lust feels. That’s information I need. If you just ordered lust for lunch, by all means, Tweet! And then pass the spoon. If she signed up for Blippy, her cataloged purchases would be things like superstition, the shadows of strangers, property on the moon, dark chocolate, and bourbon. Rikki can update her moments as they occur as far as I’m concerned. The other day, she sent a photo to my cell phone of a hand-painted sign on the side of the road that said, “Everything Will Be OK.” Again, this is information I need, because I wonder sometimes.

Instant information is good. I like instant. I'm impatient. I just reheated mashed potatoes in the microwave. It took one minute and thirty seconds. In other words, forever. With that much down time, I was able to respond to an email I had neglected for ten minutes. Because of the delay, Brittany sent a text to my phone from her Gmail account that said, “stop ignoring my email. beech.” Her reply to my reply reminded me that she’d be calling at 4:34 and that I’d better answer. That’s twenty minutes from present time. Some people might want you to know about all that will occur in those twenty minutes, but I’d be more inclined to savor my privacy and not release this information: 

Holly just poured a can of Sprite into a glass.

Holly doesn’t like ice in her Sprite because it waters down the carbonation.

Holly likes how carbonated drinks dance on her tongue.

Holly is planning on having three friends over for wine tonight.

Holly is listening to The Mountain Goats on her iPod.

Holly put a lot of black pepper on her mashed potatoes.

Holly is now full.

Holly falls in love, falls down, and falls to pieces several times a day.

Holly won't tell you everything, but will tell you at least that she actually does need to dry her hair before Brittany calls, that there’s an incomparable honesty that speaking of herself in the third person allows, and that for every time she does decide to announce where she is, what she is doing and with whom, how many dollars she spent and where, there are a thousand unanswered whys @TheUniverse RTworldpopulation  #everythingwillbeok? 

Comments

[tara]

'The other day, she sent a photo to my cell phone of a hand-painted sign on the side of the road that said, “Everything Will Be OK.” '

And then there's me, who texted you a picture of "Cock" flavored soup from Publix. :D I don't want to know what that says about me...

[ro]

Hahaha! For the record, T, I have found many uses for that 'Cock' pic. Crazy versatile, yo, and another reason I think we three complement each other perfectly ;)

[Holly Selph]

yes, we do.